as I watch it… (spoiler alert!)…

“You newer models are happy scraping the shit… Because you’ve never seen a miracle.” Word.

When watching Blade Runner 2049 do yourself a favour and replace all male characters for female.
Yes, start Ryanna Gossling (Kay) battling with Sappho Morton, after she defeats that brutish replicant see Ryanna checking in with her line manager, Lt Josh , who will be given 30 seconds of dialogue, maybe a little more later.
Ryanna finds a football or some other cliched representation of a man, maybe a knife, a dildo, left on the soil next to a tree.

Keep this going for the rest of the film. When you think, ‘but women wouldn’t do’… check your head, these fuckers are replicants, bio-engineered by some genius rich industrialist mofa, they can do most anything.

Whenever you hear an authoritarian voice remember she is spoken by a woman.

And yes, when you hear a ‘japanese like’ advertising voice it will be a man’s. Otherwise, plooose stop the cliche!

Keep it up, that verbally aggressive overweight person on the stairwell, a man. The tattooed menacer as Ryanna walks into her home, a woman, staring Ryanna down, menacingly, with menace.

… oh my I can’t believe they have a euro woman’s voice as his ‘hal’. Ok. the virtual wife is now a virtual euro husband, and they are both listening to nina simone, fuck frank sinatra.

Now that Robot husband is in active wear let him bliss out in his man dress and bun, as Ryanna strokes him and says: “honey, you can go anywhere in the world”.

Oh-k.

Back to the atmos.
We are obviously in asiatopa europa usaopa. In this world the ambient advertisers are always seductive men, large faces or bums, legs on screens attracting us into the red ghost light of always night. Sorry I poetically digress. RAINS.

Look how open (supple) the virtual male robot is when Ryanna touches his face in the night: “i am so happy with you” robot says. Man he is so submissive. Wait he needs to pause as Ryanna’s line manager has left a voice message. OK, turn off the robot lover. Fade to naught.

Now, remember when Ryanna found a dildo football on the soil and made us all think there was ALSO a man buried in the dirt in the farm where the first replicant was killed? Well, I think we have a match! There was a man in there after all, oh lucky there was such a clear symbol of man there on the dirt waiting for Ryanna to find it. Whoops!, he died in childbirth, uh oh is our flip folding?

Aah good, line manager helps us out by explaining to us it is not possible that she is pregnant because she is a replicant ! Good, so it is possible that she is a he!
Ok, back to the conceit.

The tough talking line manager is getting scrupulous with Ryanna (Kay),

Josh: “kill the baby”,
Kay: “it has a soul”
Josh: “deal with it. you’ve done well enough without one”

When you get to the very-yellow rip off of the-boulevard-of broken-dreams-style guide, remember this is two women talking to each other. Then the seductive voice comes over and we get our first sexy leg pose, yummy man’s knees, saying “pleasure models” whilst sipping tea.

As the next moment of history is told, womensplaining is clear and the archivist talks of her dad crying over lost baby pictures. Oh, poor dad.

I am going to take a break now and keep watching with all these reversals in mind and get back to this tap tap later in the film…

… oh good, break in the break… we have now met the super powered architect of what seems to be the new corporation… and look, now she is about to slice open a naked man, in a highly sexual voice, and don’t forget to kiss him after your pierce his womb, aah there you go, make a nice slice into that very abused naked man, now slumping to an early death on the ground…

aah look a giant naked ballerino, in full tights dancing in the middle of the road, so titilating, such poise!… ah look prostitutes, men dressed skimpily, approaching Ryanna, looking to seduce information out of our heroine: “want to buy a man a cigarette?”

Ok. I think her line manager should stay being a woman. Better rapport between the two that way.

OMG 55.52… they have swapped the genders! oh, only for a moment, and it was just an overlay of the virtual husband and the replicant here… sorry a furphy.

Still watching? Ryanna’s just put her hand in a beehive and her line manager has just been killed by the mean other psycho boss guy.

Ok. I must say I gave up my attempt to rewrite the whole film via reversing gender roles. But I did watch it that way and it was quite a stimulating experience.

My version in summary:
It was a much better moment when Ryanna held the psycho boss guy down under the water to his death; and when the prostitute dude and the robot dude became one to become her ultimate fantasy fuck it felt ok.

Even though Director Villeneuve stated this film is NOT about the future, it is about now, and now women are not treated very well, he still made decisions. He and the other guy Riddles and the other guys that made the film. They could have chosen to reverse the leads, to make the saviour a woman, and not the prize, (ultimately the daughter of the other hero), they can make those choices now, as well as in the future.

Reality is what make together, even more so when it comes to fantasy, to hollywood, to footballdildos, to what might be. Go on, give it a go. Reverse the roles, watch it again with this in mind. It is actually a pretty good movie, especially when I was told it was all a metaphor for the fear men have over the one thing they cannot do – create life.